


If We Meet Again

by AcquariMari



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Childhood Friends, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, High School, Love/Hate, Romantic Comedy, Romantic Fluff, Shoujo, Sports, Tsunderes, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Young K is a tsundere, and also a nerd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-08-24 01:17:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16630130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AcquariMari/pseuds/AcquariMari
Summary: Azura has lived her monotonous life on autopilot for the last two years and she is certain her senior year will stay the same. However, with the arrival of a mysterious and cool transfer student, many uncertainties arise. There is only one thing she can be sure of: Kang Younghyun hates her.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! It has been a while since I have written fiction, so I hope I am not too rusty. I want to thank Alex aka D6dreams for inspiring me with her work as well as all of the My Days that are content creators.  
> I have no expectations for this fic, just to have fun and maybe make some people have a laugh and one or two squeals of joy..  
> Let me know if you like it! You can talk to me on twitter (same handle: Acquarimari) whenever you want!  
> I love you all! 
> 
> Mari

**PART 1** _**IF** _

**1**

The first day of school always has a different feeling. First years run around all excited and bright eyed, unknowing of the hardships ahead. I navigate the school easily and quietly, greeting the few other seniors that notice me and give me a nod. It is our last first day as high school students and there is already a sense of nostalgia in the air.

I try to find some sort of feeling inside my heart but cannot seem to find any. It is just another day, anyways. My memories here are neither good nor bad. My life as a high school student has been monotonous to say the least, and I have been diligently trying to keep it that way. The least drama, the better.

I keep walking the corridor, minding my own business. I feel someone’s gaze on me, and I silently look around to figure out whom it comes from. I scan the near faces but no one seems particularly interested. Some second years are excitedly talking about a senior that has inspired the deepest of sighs, and a boy is looking at a poster advertising some kind of club activity attentively. I notice his school uniform looks different, since it is brand new, and he is tall so he must be a senior.

Some other boys are talking about the last season of soccer and how the girl’s team lost the on the National’s semifinals. Oh… So it must be them.

Well, my life might be monotonous but it is not as boring as I make it seem. Being a part of the soccer team is one of the best decisions I ever made and one of the things that makes me most proud of myself, the other one being the best student on the class, according to my grades. I am not popular, pretty, or even stylish or cool, but I am smart and I can kick a ball fairly well, and that is enough for me.

Thinking about it more consciously, I will definitely miss some things about high school, specially the club activities and being able to see my friends everyday (even if I still don’t seem to be able to avoid them during the holidays). It’s not as if I hate school, it is just that nothing exciting ever happens to me. Sports aside, it seems that I am always listening to the stories other people tell me about their dates, breakups, arguments, and an A+ in an exam is not something I really want to talk about. The only reason I want to leave high school is that I am anxious for my life to begin.

It’s not as if graduating will suddenly transform me into a beautiful, interesting girl. I am definitely not expecting anything magical to happen. But, in high school, in order to be attractive, you have to either fit in or stand out, and I do none of those. Social hierarchy matters and if you start getting popular you’ll have to mess with the popular girls, those who cause drama and live their lives as some kind of shoujo manga characters. (I’m still not sure if they are the heroines or the villains).

If there is one thing I hate, it is drama, and I have seen people rise and fall because of it. One day being a teenage princess, and the next a social pariah. I tried to fit in the popular group once, when I still was in middle school. However, anything I did was judged and if someone did something they didn’t like, talked to the wrong kind of people or, God forbid, were liked by the boy they liked, they would start stupid rumors about them and ruin their lives.

So I spent my time trying to make them like me. In return, I got to hang out with them, but I was miserable. It wasn’t a very intelligent deal, so I decided to drop that act when I entered high school.

No thanks, I don’t want any of that nonsense anymore. I am just that girl people know of but do not really notice, that girl on the soccer team, what’s her name again? I lay low, avoid trouble, everyone is happy and I don’t have to worry about my life being ruined. I rather have no life than have a miserable one, right?

That’s ok, I just need to focus on my grades to get into a good university, and entertain myself playing soccer, then I’ll just be another person in the world free to do whatever.

It is still early, almost twenty minutes until the class begins, so when I enter the classroom it is almost empty. I sit on one of the desks by the window, put on my earphones to appear occupied and open the ebook I am currently reading on my phone.

I start reading and lose track of time, the surreal world of Haruki Murakami completely hypnotizing me, and when I come back to my senses, the classroom is almost full. I notice the boy I saw on the corridor is sitting some rows in front of me, the one with the pristine new uniform. I can’t help but feel a sense of dejavu, like I have met him somewhere before.

I am at a significant distance from him, so I can stare at him a little more than is prudent. He has dark hair, carefully styled to look cool, and he has his ears pierced but no earrings on, since that is against the rules. He never turns so I can’t see his face, and that makes me all the more curious.

\- Hey, Azura stop spacing out! You look like you’re about to drool on your phone.

\- AZU!!!! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!! - Sana cries dramatically in her usual high-pitched voice. I still cannot believe this over-the-top, pretty girl is one of my best friends.

-Shut up, you saw her yesterday! - Laughs Jeongyeon, the same girl that told me to wipe the drool off my face, soccer team captain and girl crush extraordinaire. She acts as if she is so embarrassed, but she is secretly amused by Sana’s antics.

\- It’s amazing we are on the same class again!

\- It has been this way for all of high school- I respond, trying to get out of my friend’s novellesque embrace.

-They would not dare to separate us. - Jeong adds, sitting beside me. My other friend finally lets me go and sits in front of me.

-What took you so long? - I glance at my phone; the teacher will now enter the room any second.

-Jeongie was confessed to!!

-Wow! Who was the brave guy?

-It was a girl! A first year, poor thing. She was heartbroken!

-A girl? And on the first day? That’s a record.

-It’s the short hair- shrugged the heartbreaker, as if she’s used to it already.

These girls definitely do not care about fitting in and I love them for that. We were on the same class and met on the soccer team as first years and we instantly clicked. Jeongyeon being a soccer fanatic, she saw me play and told me “she definitely has to be friends with the next generation’s ace”. I remember I told her she was exaggerating, but that simple compliment gave me enough confidence to try my best and actually become one of the main components of the team. She’s just the kind of girl that tells you your good points as if they were nothing, she’s good at easily lifting people’s spirits and that’s why she later became our captain.

We just gravitated towards Sana, who was always the one slowest to learn the moves and tactics, and eager to come to us for advice. She needs her time, but she is determined and hardworking, and soon she was part of the regulars as well. Her cute ways made us love her immediately.

-What were you staring at?- girl crush tried to change subjects. I was about to make up an excuse when the teacher walked in.

Mr. Kim Minjun, also known as Mr. K made the proper introductions and, as if he suddenly remembered, started to talk about the object of my curiosity himself.

-Ah, we have a transfer student here with us. He has recently come back from Canada, so please treat him kindly and help him adapt. He was the best ranked in his class so I am sure it will be easy for him.

-Oh, Mrs. President has some competition- Jeong whispers and nudges me with her elbow. I give her a cocky smile, dismissing her comment.

-Can you please introduce yourself to the class? - Mr. K signals the new kid to stand up. He does, very cool and collected, and turns towards the rest of the students.

When I finally see his face, mine starts feeling hot and I know I am either pale as a ghost or bright red. Of course I have seen him before. Of course, how can I forget?

He looks at the class but not at me, and I feel like he’s avoiding me. Does he remember me? Does he hate me? He must have hated me then, and if he remembers me, it’s surely not in a good light.

-Hello, everyone.- he smiles that big kitten-like smile of his- My name is Younghyun but you can call me Brian if you want, please take care of me.


	2. 2

**2**

I manage to concentrate on the revision test that will determine the next two class representatives according to the two best grades. It has always been Sana and I, and I cannot let her down. 

If I fail, she will probably guess something is wrong with me and start asking me questions. She is more intelligent than she looks, she just likes acting cute and playing dumb sometimes. And she is very sensitive to her friends’ mood swings and can tell when we are upset even before we know it ourselves.

Handing in the test relieves me, but also gives me less to think about and distract me. 

The day goes by slowly and I tell myself to focus on what the teacher is saying, on taking good notes, already try to memorize some of the information that is being given to us. If my competition is Younghyun, I’d better start studying early…

There I go again. I can’t seem to get him out of my mind, even if he probably does not even remember my existence and has not looked at me once, even when I raise my hand to answer some question the teacher just asked. I am not a showoff, but I tend to feel uncomfortable when Mr. K asks something and the class just stays silent. I feel as if it is my responsibility to make the class look at least a little better. Not that anyone cares, anyways. 

Thinking about him, I feel anxious. Will he talk to me? Can I talk to him? Does he hate me? He must hate me. No, he probably does not even remember me and I am just delusional believing I had any importance in his life at all. He probably just does not look at me just because there is nothing interesting to look at. That’s it.

He looks so different, so cool. I can hear the other girl’s whispers; it is not just me that thinks he looks good. He just does. He seems like the kind of guy that wears leather jackets and ripped jeans on the regular and can absolutely pull it off.  

It is not that he was not cool before, when we were in middle school together, but he just did not look cool, not in a traditional way. Admittedly, he was kind of a nerdy kid, but so was I, even if I did better to hide it. He had the best grades and was really bad at sports. He was friends with the outcasts and liked spending his time writing poetry. Really good poetry for a kid his age. 

He was kind to everyone, even when they were not that kind to him. We were both chosen as class representatives, so I started spending a little more time with him when the teacher asked us to stay behind and help. 

I was shy, but he was really nice to talk to and soon enough we discovered we had many things in common. We both liked to read all kind of books, and he recommended me ones that I would have never read otherwise. I did try to lend him a few, but he seemed to have already read everything. 

He also liked music, and told me about how he wanted to be able to play multiple instruments. I never told him, but I believed he could do anything he set his mind to. 

At this point, you must have realized I deeply admired him. He was so smart, so kind, and I thought that made him so cool. I looked up to him, but I also liked him. I really enjoyed spending time with him, talking about books and music and pretending to be so educated and cultured. I believed he was so cool.

But me, I was not cool. I might have believed I was educated, but I was truly dumb. 

He did not care about fitting in, but I did, at the time. Moreover, I would be never be caught talking to him. He was not exactly the kind of friend my “friends” wanted me to have. Not the kind of person they wanted to be associated with. It was an a-holes only club, I guess.

I spent my time trying to look good in front of the popular kids, avoiding him. I am sure he must have noticed, but he still talked to me as a friend when we were made to stay after class, or when everybody else had club activities, so I never changed my ways. 

So our last day in middle school came and I had a little something prepared. I spent almost two weeks writing and rewriting a letter to him, my first love confession. I wanted to tell him he was the best and all the reasons why I liked being his friend. I wanted to let him know I really hoped we could see each other during the summer. I secretly hoped we were going to the same high school, but he had not told me where he was going and I was too scared to ask. 

I remember that corny letter, which I hid under my desk until the bell rang. I remember the feeling of it in my shaky, clammy hands. I felt, anxious but hopeful, and a little excited. We got along so well after all!

I must have looked suspicious, or maybe I was more obvious than I thought.

-What do you have in your hands? - asked one of the girls, getting ready to make fun of me. 

\- Is that a love letter?

Jennie laughed, but she also looked mad at me. How dare I like someone without consulting her? Why did I not tell her? Well, I was not inclined to do so since I knew I could not really trust her. 

I instinctively looked at Younghyun, maybe an act of reflex. I shouldn’t have.

-Don’t tell me you like Younghyun? - She totally noticed me freaking out and was not about to let it go. This was just too juicy. She had made it very clear “we” did not like anyone who was less than popular. And, really, she was the only one free to choose anyone she liked. The others just had to adapt and chose someone different. 

The rest of the girls were looking at me, expecting an answer. Don’t be dumb, Azura. Know your place, Azura. You are one of us now. This is the status quo. 

-Him? Why would I like such a nerd? - I said, even though I knew I was being stupid. Even though I knew it was not really worth it, they were not really worth it. Even when I knew, he had heard and he was looking, paying attention. 

I regretted it immediately. Why did I do that? Who were these girls? It was the last day of school and I probably would not see them ever again. Had I always been so stupid?  

-We know, Azu- one of them said- we were just joking, jeez…

The damage was already done. He had quickly left and I could not apologize, never mind giving him the letter. I would not be so shameless as to confess to him after saying such a nasty thing. 

I did not have his phone number and I did not know who to ask, so our middle school experience ended like that and I have been regretting my life choices ever since. 

I never saw him again, not until now.

I never saw those girls either.

I saved that letter in a little box under my bed and I looked at it from time to time. A not so friendly reminder not to be a piece of garbage ever again. And that’s when I decided to live my life as a normal human being and stop trying to fit in. I started high school, joined the soccer club and the rest is history.

I already liked soccer before, but I joined because I knew nobody really messed with the sporty kids and nobody cared about the soccer team particularly. People are always too busy looking at male teams or maybe the volleyball girls, who even though they seem to lose every other match, are all tall and look like models. Clearly hotter and more interesting than us.

I spent the rest of the day in a daze, just trying to follow the conversations my friends were having. They noticed I was kind of out, but were too excited about the new season to come to ask me. 

I slept on it and decided he probably did not care about me back then, so he did not hate me. Everything is ok and I just have to keep living as I have been doing for the last two years, no big deal. Who cares what I did back then? What matters is that I have grown up and learnt from my mistakes.

I gave myself a little pep talk on the mirror. What would Jeong say? 

“We got this! You’re Azura the soccer ace after all!”

Hm. That does not really help this matter. 

I arrived a little later than usual and my friends were already in the classroom, talking to one of the boys, Jae to be more exact. We like Jae, he is on the male soccer team and he’s a funny guy. He gets on well with everybody and does not care at all about hierarchy, an all-around good person. 

-Yo, Jeong, we’re looking good this season, aren’t we?

-We’re always looking good. - She laughs 

-Well, not as good as me, the one and only soccer god. Call me Lionel Messi. - He flexes his non-existing muscles.

-Jae just thinks he is good because he was born in Argentina. - she tells me and Sana, while I put my things down on my desk.- You are a DEFENSE and you are just lucky you are so tall, that’s all you got.

-Whatever, Jeongs, you are just jealous. - He retaliates. 

-You banter like a typical romcom couple- laughs Sana, knowing that scenario is the far from true. 

-EW!!- Our friend is horrified and disgusted.

-No way! Jeongs is like a little brother to me! - His face is a reflection of Jeongyeon’s expression. They both seem to think the idea itself is sacrilege. 

-We’re the same age, dumbass!!- She protests.

-That’s the only part in that statement that bothers you? - I can’t help but laugh. 

I am so glad I have them. I am having so much fun I almost don’t notice Younghyun has been staring at us, maybe curious about who my friends are. He must be surprised; they are nothing like Jennie and the girls. Well, that is if he cares about me at all. 

Maybe I am right. Maybe he doesn’t hate me. I mean, it’s been ages and we have both grown up. I must be the only one that’s worrying and getting worked up about it, overthinking every single blink of his eyes. I was stupid, thoughtless and selfish, but perhaps…

-Good morning, class! - Mr. K enters the classroom with a spring on his step. He is one of the few teachers that actually enjoy what they do and cares about his students and everybody loves that about him. He’s the kind that is always excited about giving good grades and devastated when giving bad news.

-I know you must be dying to know who the class representatives will be, so let’s just get over with it quickly!- the teacher announces with a big smile- It was a tough match, and I am proud to present you, in the first place, our newcomer Younghyun! And give it up for our close second place Miss Azura!- 

The students lazily clap. No one really cares about being class representative, since it always means you have more work to do organizing seasonal activities and talking with the authorities. 

-Wow, Brian, you beat Azura! She’s really smart, you know! - I hear someone say. It is funny how you can avoid hearing a lot of conversations, but you can always listen when people are talking about yourself. Us humans are truly self-centered people. Or is it some kind of survival instinct?

I admit I am anxious to hear his answer. And I am also proud that someone called me smart: even if that is the only thing people know about me, it’s still a very good thing. Now he might know I have grown and we might be on good terms again. Maybe…

-Well, she is not that smart if someone that just arrived to the country can beat her so easily. - He smiles and looks at me. He knew I was listening. He wanted me to listen. 

Oh, never mind. 

He definitely hates me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It's me again. I hope you're liking it so far!   
> Let me know on twitter @acquarimari!  
> The first few intrudictory chapters are the most boring of all, in my opinion, so bare with it. It will get juicier soon enough...


	3. Chapter 3

**3**

The girls and I walk to the cafeteria together. I try to hide how upset I am feeling but it is to no use, there is no mask I can put on to cover the emotions I wear on my face. Sana is the first one to notice and grabs my hand while we walk. Her warmth is somehow comforting, although my emotions are still out of control.  

-      Don’t worry, Azu, I do not care about keeping the second place. Besides, we see each other all the time, it’s no big deal. I am just sad that you’ll still have to do all that work being the class rep.

-      I know. Don’t worry about that, I don’t care about doing the work and it will get me some extra credits. It’s not that, it’s just…- I can’t find the words to explain what happened, but I figure it is now time to tell them. It will probably be more productive than sulking on my own.

Sana keeps my hand held playfully, as she drags me through the corridors, almost skipping. She always walks to a different beat and I admire her confidence to just be silly whenever she wants to. Jeong is beside me and just looks at me with suspicion. She stares at me dead in the eyes, then my nose, my lips, my eyes again. She is scanning me, trying to read the truth somewhere on my face. Even if I look like an emotionless robot most of the times, some situations just get the best of me. 

I stay silent until we reach an empty table and deposit our lunches. 

-      It’s that guy, isn’t it? - Jeong says then crosses her arms. I feel my jaw drop a little. Then my lips start to wobble. Am I going to cry? I tell myself to pull it together and just breathe and look at both of my friends. Think about something else. They are looking back at me, expectant. 

This is something different. I am never the one with a story to tell, this type of things do not happen to me. They have only seen me emotional about two things in the past: soccer and music (I cry when I find a song that I like a lot, don’t judge me). And even then, those are rare occasions and I most prefer to release my tears in the comfort of my own home, alone in my room where nobody but my cats can see me. I do that on the regular because… hormones.  

-      Yo guys what are we having for lunch? - Jae drops in, unaware of the current situation, and tries to steal Sana’s lunch box. Jeong takes it away quickly, thank god, and slaps his hand. He eats so much and still looks that skinny! Instead of putting on weight, he just keeps growing taller. Adolescent boys are fascinating.

-      We are having some girl talk? - Sana explains, trying to make our unexpected company go away. If he stays just one second too long, all of his group of friends will start gathering around our table.

-      Ah, so we are! Keep going! Who’s the hottest guy in school, girls?- he is still trying to get some free food and reaches for my bento box.- I think Jaehyung, the senior, is totally dreamy!-

-      I think I have seen him in my nightmares.- Jeong mutters.

-      Go away Jae.- I laugh and slap his hand away. He gives up and shakes off the pain, burning me with a humorous laser glare. At least his apparition gives me some distraction and a little more time to compose myself.

-      Whatever it is that you’re going to talk about, you can talk about it with me! I can keep a secret! I can take it!.-

-      Well, then get ready to talk about periods, big boy - Jeong smiles one of her evil smiles- Blood…- she begins to form a sentence but there is no need to: Jae is already on his feet and leaving. -That should scare him off for some time…

We go back to our previous conversation, but I find myself finally calmed down and collected, ready for whatever that is to come.

-      So, what guy are we talking about? - asks Sana, looking at both of us like a lost puppy, but I know she is already aware of it and just wants ME to open up. 

-      We both know Azura is secretly one of the most competitive people on this school, she must be furious someone took the first place from her. What was his name? Don’t worry, it was just beginners’ luck, you’ll crush him next time, I am sure. - The tallest of my friends seems as if she was personally insulted by Younghyun’s “victory”. 

-      Well, I do feel bad about losing that title but it is not just that. I do hate being defeated. I hate that with all my being, that is absolutely true, especially when…- Jeong does not let me continue. She is like this when she gets on Captain mode, and once it’s on you cannot really turn it off.

-      Don’t worry, you can at least be sure you’d defeat him on the pitch. I mean, look at his hair! He probably spends more time styling those things than we have spent running all these years.- she motions to her own bangs laying naturally on her forehead, quite different from Younghyun’s perfect magazine cover worthy locks. 

-      Don’t be mean! He did not do anything! It’s not like he is purposefully trying to beat Azura, he’s just arrived here! - Sana tries to calm her down.

-      Well, I don’t know if he really tried his best to get the first place in order to beat me, but I do know for a fact he hates me. I actually kind of know him from middle school and I may or may not have done some awful things to him. So, I can understand… He probably has a right to hate me, I mean, I hate myself too.

-      I think you have something to tell us. - They reprimand me.

So I tell them. I tell them about the books we read and how he was the most intelligent boy I had ever met. I tell them of the time we spent together waiting in the classroom to have a meeting with the teacher, planning sporting events and festivals, setting up study groups for important tests. I tell them about the fun we had just talking and how I felt so elevated when I was with him. He was so free, and also freeing. He was himself, unfiltered, and he made me feel like I also could be myself, at least when we were alone.

I also tell them how I acted like I did not know him when we were surrounded, how I avoided his gaze in the classroom and ignored the times he looked like he wanted to tell me something. After all, it was like we had a double life and we would be friends again once the class finished, once everybody left. But I was the only one living that way. I was two different people, and he was always Younghyun. 

I don’t tell them how I thought his smile was the best thing to happen on earth and that he was the only kid who could pull off those thick, black rimmed glasses. It is obvious by now they can already tell he was my first crush. First love?

I tell them about the worst day of my life, my most embarrassing and regretful memory, and how I never really apologized for it. I tell them, of course, about the letter I wrote so carefully and the pastel red envelope I innocently decorated with little hearts, the one I keep forever in my drawer and in my heart. 

They both look so happy, and that makes me so confused.

-What is it?

-Well, we both thought you were only capable of loving soccer and we were really worried, since it probably cannot love you back.- Sana explained. I pretend to be offended and hit her on the arm.

-This is perfect. You are always complaining about how boring your life is and how nothing ever happens to you, aren’t you? But the truth is you just run away from every opportunity that gets a little too close to reality.- She is giving me an accusatory look, and I feel like she is indirectly poking me to admit she is right. Jeongyeon says I am the most competitive, but she is a close runner up.

-But it is true! Nothing ever happened before…-

-What about Nakjoon? That senior that tried asking for your number last year? He attended our games for three weeks straight and you just dismissed him with some lame excuse…

-He was going to college and it would not have worked…

-How do you know?

-He was too… too… handsome? - I say. I have no excuses. I did avoid any and every chance I had to get close to him and I know the reason. Nakjoon was really nice and attractive, and maybe I could have started liking him if I had let myself get to know him. But he was quite popular and intimidating. And being his friend alone was a risky endeavor: if he was so easily likeable for someone like me, imagine how much those girls who actually cared about status and popularity liked him. 

-You were just scared, we know, but this time is different. Didn’t you say the transfer kid and you used to be friends? 

-Oh, you can say you rejected all those boys because you have always been waiting for your true love to return!!! Azu this is so romantic!- Sana is already deep inside one of her dramatic delusions. I would love my life to be a shoujo manga too, but that is not the world we live in. I would love to let myself believe all the fantasies Sana is talking about, but I need to be realistic.  

The bell rings and saves me. I need to do some thinking.  

-We are not saying you need to date the guy or even talk to him if that makes you uncomfortable. But you always speak as if you are just an extra character, looking at other peoples stories unfold from the outside. Your life is like a book, and you are the one writing it. Do you like the story? Do you even like the main character as it is right now?

I do not need to answer. I know I don’t like either of them. I might have changed, but I still have not grown to be the kind of person I want to be. Would my favorite main character just sit and wait, watch their lives pass them by, then regret everything about it? Because that is the story I have been writing so far. 

Is my favorite player the one that stays on the bench and is content with that? The match of my life and I am not even playing on it? Not even trying?

Jeongyeon’s words set me on fire and melt the layers of ice I have carefully covered my heart with, and I can feel it beating again. I am alive. I am not a robot. I can do this. This is my last year in school, who said it was too late to make some good memories?

Wow, she is a good captain.

We resume the classes, which pass fairly quickly, and once we are done for the day, Mr. K tells Younghyun and I to stay a little bit longer to speak about our duties as class reps. Our school is not big on festivals and the organization of sport activities is handled by each club, so our job is mostly academic. 

-You both were chosen because of your grades for a reason. Both of you will have to make sure that the whole class receives the necessary bibliography, organize study groups if there are some students that need to catch up, ensure that those who are absent or ill receive notes to continue with their studies, that kind of things. Whatever ideas you have to improve the class’s results and make this year an enjoyable, less stressful experience for everybody, you can implement them with my official authorization. You have to take assistance and you are also in charge of collecting homework, projects, etc. -The teacher explains more to him than to me, since I have received the same speech twice before. -You guys can organize your schedule however you like, but the more frequently you meet the easier it is to keep up to date and the less time you have to stay after class. 

-It is good that you get to be class rep- he tells my classmate- you’ll get to meet more people, since there are monthly meetings with other class reps and the teachers to discuss any situations that the alumni is going through as a group. Those will always take place during school hours, so you don’t have to worry about that part in your schedules. Azura, make sure to help our newcomer and make him feel welcome.

My ears are slightly red by now. I have not stopped looking at the teacher and nodding when appropriate, avoiding setting my eyes anywhere else. I am now more confident than before, but not ready to look at my new partner. I can feel his gaze on the side of my face, him sitting beside me does not help my nerves. I can feel when he smiles, and that gives me some hope. At least he is not glaring at me; he does not even have a voodoo doll and needles on his hands (or he might be hiding it really well). I am fine. 

I figure I should try to re-introduce myself and apologize, but that idea is much harder to fulfill than it looks. If only Jeongyeon’s motivational powers had lasted a little longer…

-We can probably meet one or two times a week and get the job done, I guess…- He announces rather than asking me, loosening the navy blue necktie that is mandatory with our uniform. I do not stare at his hands absentmindedly, I absolutely do NOT. 

Silence falls between us and I decide that if I want to start anew with him and rebuild some kind of friendship, I should probably start by apologizing right now. It is mortifying, but it is the right thing to do, the mature choice. 

I stop myself from overthinking. If I do that, I will never get to speak and the moment will forever be gone. Instead of that, I activate autopilot mode and just do it. 

What is autopilot mode? It is how I feel when doing phone calls, when I raise my hand to answer some question in class or give a presentation in front of a group of people. It is the feeling I get when I force myself to do something that gives me anxiety, but instead of worrying about it, I just detach myself from the situation and take action. I just act. It does feel like I am actually playing a part, I don’t feel like myself, and it might not be the healthiest choice, but it gets the job done. 

-Well, see you on Friday, I guess- he starts picking up his backpack and coat. Did we agree on that schedule or is he just deciding that himself? I don’t have time to think about that. He is clearly living and I need to get my message across.

-I… I would like to apologize. – my voice is barely audible. I clear my throat. You can do better than this, autopilot Azura- I would like to apologize for before. I never got to tell you how sorry I am for what happened. It was really stupid of me and I probably hurt your fee…-

\- What are you talking about? - He does not let mi finish. - What is your name again?

-Azura

-Well, Azula, I don’t know what you are talking about, so don’t worry about it. - He fakes a smile and I feel like he is making fun of me. Like I am being laughed at.

And maybe I deserve it. That is the thought that scares me the most. 

He is out of the door and out of mi sight.

Wait.

Did he just call me “Azula”? Does he really not remember me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It would be nice if you could let me know what you think about it so far, either in the comments or via twitter http://www.twitter.com/acquarimari   
> I am a very insecure person and need validation and possitive reinforcement.   
> Anyways, I hope you have a fantastic day!!
> 
> Mari


	4. Chapter 4

**4**

I have returned to my usual self. Almost.

The first two days were quite nerve-wracking, but now that I have a degree of certainty that Kang Younghyun does in fact not remember me, at least I don’t have to be ashamed of myself anymore. And even if he could actually recollect some kind of memory about me, I did try to be respectful and apologize for my mistakes and wrongdoings, so my conscience is clean. 

All the painful feelings that had been weighing me down have been finally lifted off my shoulders. I can feel it on my chest and now that the anxiety has left me I can breathe better.

However, I do have a new different feeling. I am back to being myself, but he has changed. His appearance surprised me the first time I saw him after so long, because I still had a more innocent image of him. His longer hair, his pierced ears and the unique way he wears his uniform consisting of a white shirt, black dress trousers and a navy blue necktie that he always loosens around his collar give him a fierce image.

What discourages me is that he is acting so different from what I thought he would be. His eyes and his smile on the first day of school made me feel like he was still the nerdy boy I remember, but that smile is gone. I have not seen him smile sincerely again after that one time.

He has been hanging out with the cool kids during classes and seems to talk to them on good terms, but I believe he does not really like them. He plugs his headphones on as soon as he sees the chance to and usually eats his lunch with them covering his ears (who does that?). I wonder if he is trying to give off a cool and mysterious vibe, but I worry he is struggling to find good friends here. He used to be so social and nice, and now he is so…

Well, he probably isn’t trying to be mean, but he is hostile towards other “less than cool” people. That group “people” consisting mainly of me, and sometimes my friends.

Whenever I participate in class, I can hear he whisper something to his mates, which makes them laugh.

One time, I heard him say “Is she always this annoying?”. No one replied. The truth is I don’t have beef with anyone, I stay out of their business and they don’t care for mine. In fact, most of them are thankful that I answer the difficult questions no one wants to take care of and that I am polite enough to leave the rest for whomever wants to get some extra points with Mr. K. I don’t like being the one to toot my own horn but I am quite the considerate person, at least in this regard.

\- You are smart, you should answer too when the teacher asks something so hard. - I heard some kid tell him. He’s clearly not one of the cool kids: those don’t care at all about the class.-Azura is always doing all the tough work

\- I just let her show off; she seems to need to do it so badly. - He answered. - I don’t have to prove anything.

The girls hear everything too. Jeongyeon is furious when we leave the classroom to have our lunch.

\- It is funny how that guy says he doesn’t know who you are but he is so concerned about the things you do and the things you don’t. Isn’t it interesting? - She remarks. She gets aggressive really easily, and, when she does, sarcasm is her best friend.

\- Why is he so obsessed with you anyway?-Sana says, finding it fun to play “mean girls” for a while. It is not the most fortunate phrase, though, since Younghyun happens to be rapidly passing us by on the corridors.

\- Someone needs to teach him manners. - Jeong continues once he is out of sight, completely unbothered. If he does not care about me hearing his petty remarks, we shouldn’t care either.

It is a nice day, so we decide to go eat outside instead of going to the cafeteria. That way we will not be interrupted by anyone and we don’t have to make any excuses. Jae can’t take another scarring experience. He has not talked to us since.

\- When do you have to see him again?

\- He said to meet on Friday, so I guess I am seeing him today.-

\- Don’t let him walk over you Azu. You might still think of him as a friend but he has done nothing to prove he is deserving of that title, quite the opposite. - Sana grabs my hand as she does when she wants to tell me something serious and something she really feels important. Having my friends being so good to me reminds me I am doing nothing wrong and I do not need to make myself smaller just so other people can be bigger.

If he is bothered about me participating in class, am I going to stop? Am I going to give up the class’ first place just because? I don’t think so.

\- Maybe he is just competitive…- I try defending him a little. He might be acting like a prick but he is not a bully nor a monster. I hope not.

\- Oh, so he is so scared of pretty little Azura hurting his ego that he just tries to intimidate you and is just plain mean for no apparent reason. Now, that makes a lot of sense…- My friend is still angry.

He has not just said stuff about me, but he has also said something about how our team must not be all that good since we lost on the semifinals last year. That hurt Jeong a lot, knowing how much we trained and how hard we worked just to get there. 

\- I cannot wait for next week. We will be finally training again, we need to release a lot of pent up energy, don’t you think- Sana tries to calm everyone down.

\- I want to use his head as a ball. - Jeongyeon is… still Jeongyeon. 

☆

The first few meetings are always the most boring work. We have to set up online groups in which the class can find the material the teacher left for us, make sure we have everyone’s email and phone number and that they are included in every platform we decide to use.  

It was fun when it was Sana and I doing that work, since we would spend a lot of time deciding on pictures and banners for the groups, fun names for the chats, and generally just talked a lot about whatever. If Sana was here, the group chat would be named something like Mr. K’s Kitty Kats, Mr. K’s Kute Klass… Instead, we are “Third year class A”.

Younghyun barely talks to me and avoids looking at me at all costs. We go over the lists of information we have compiled and double-check the groups on our cellphones. He talks in monosyllables, maybe two-word sentences if I am lucky.

“Ok”, “Check”, “No”, “Add him”. 

I don’t try to make conversation either. I have no clue what to talk about now that we don’t know each other anymore and starting blabbering about books does not seem to be a good option when he considers me an annoying nerd.

Truthfully, he is far more annoying than I am.

He clicks his pen, sometimes establishing a bearable rhythm, most of the times just messily pressing and pressing that noisy button from hell. I am tempted to snatch that demonic utensil and give him my inoffensive pencil in return.

I contain myself.

I consider the possibility that he is nervous or anxious for some reason, but he does not seem like it. He looks about as bored as I am, probably trying to calculate the time in which we will finish this work and he will finally be able to get rid of me. He is not being hostile now, but his previous actions already show how he feels about me, and he is not making any effort to be friendly either.

Unexpectedly, I feel comfortable around him anyways. Even if he hates me, there is nothing I can do about what I did before. I already tried to apologize. There is no point on walking on eggshells; he is still going to complain about how noisy I am crushing those thin, hard, outer layers of egg with my sneakers. It is better to just get over it and forget about it, act as if he was any other classmate. 

However, I cannot avoid the boredom, and I also want to make sure he knows he is being unreasonable. So I snore. Kind of on purpose, but it also just happened to be something my body is dying to do.

\- Well, it is all set up. We just have to upload the schedules and the materials. Being the first week, I don’t think anyone is struggling with anything. - He says as if he is closing the session, putting his notebook and pencil away. I am staring right at him, and a brilliant idea crosses my mind. When I start to reconsider, it is too late. I have already said it.

\- You are wrong. I am finding classes particularly hard. - I don’t recognize myself. I sound determined and coolheaded, and I also feel that way. Bravo autopilot! You are doing great, sweetie.

\- Are you? - He looks at me for a millisecond, confused. It seems like he wants to laugh, but I am not laughing at all, and my gaze is piercingly strong, so he sees I am serious. Dead serious. His eyes set on mine for an even shorter time. His adam’s apple bobs up and down.

\- You see, I feel like there is someone that is trying to make me miserable. I can always hear him talking about me behind my back, which I don’t really understand.  Maybe he is just annoying, but he clearly has something he wants to say and keeps telling everyone but me. How do you think I could make him speak to me directly?

\- I don’t see how that is my business. - He says, and he is able to keep his eyes on me, finally, but his ears are bright red. I don’t like how I am talking to him, but he needs to see I am not taking any of his bullshit. If he wants to fight, let’s fight and end this already. I have soccer practice next week, I am busy.

\- Oh, my bad. I thought since you don’t know me at all maybe you could help me and provide an objective perspective on the matter. - I smile, how fake! This character I am playing is definitely not me. But she is a badass.

I can see in his face that he does not know what to say. He must be more competitive now, and he will not let me win. He understands the situation, and he knows I already discovered his lie.

He remembers me. Why would he hate me so much if he didn’t?

I am not expecting him to suddenly confess his sins and tell me he was just being vengeful and petty. I am not even expecting some sort of apology. I just want this situation to end.

\- Well, it’s getting late. You must have stuff to do. I am sorry for blabbering about my problems. However, can you do me a favor? - I ask him. He nods, probably as a reflex, and because I am being aggressively commanding, something I never thought I would have to be. - If you see that guy, tell him to stop. And tell him I really am sorry.


	5. Chapter 5

**5**

I told my friends everything as soon as I got home, of course. Jeongyeon would have slowly decapitated me with the rustiest of butter knives if I hadn’t. And Sana would have probably made me do something thoroughly humiliating, like filming a cheer video and uploading it to our team’s youtube channel (where we usually just post recaps, some goals, and some fun practices). Not many people watch our videos, but it would have been embarrassing nonetheless. Not that it ever happened before… You definitely won’t ever find a “cheer up” dance cover on our page where it is just Sana dancing perfectly with a really cool expression and me just trying to do my best and failing miserably, all while laughing. That video does not exist.

Even when we have been talking about “cool Azura” all weekend long, it is Monday and the hype has yet to die down.

-There she comes, take a picture! - Sana says as soon as she spots me coming down the corridor. It’s very early for class and they are both waiting for me near our lockers. Practice starts this week so our backpacks are heavy with our gym clothes, shoes and anticipation.

-Please, give us an autograph! - Excited Jeong is a sight to be seen. Her mood must be determined by the upcoming start of the season and her captain aura is already peaking through. She seems motivated, to say the least.

-I still can’t believe you told him that. I wish I could have seen it!-

-I can’t believe it either, and I think I mortified poor Younghyun enough on my own… I don’t know what I was thinking, I think I went overboard.-

-Is your android brain malfunctioning? - Sana asks me, and I know it’s rhetorical. Me being a malfunctioning robot whenever I show signs of emotion is our longest running inside joke. I usually just express myself as freely as I want only when I am with the people closest to me, but I appear really cold and serious to everyone else. And the girls also say that my name sounds like it could be one of an artificial intelligence, a realistic human-like robot.

-I wasn’t talking about seeing him; I wish I could have seen you being bold! I want you to take all that energy and boldness and put it into your game.-

I laugh about her passionate declarations but I stop myself when we hear a locker loudly close with a bang. Our heads turn perfectly in sync towards the same direction, where we see Younghyun walk away, trying to look unbothered while he is clearly letting us know we should stop talking about him on such public spaces. I thought people overhearing on perfect timing only happened on dramas, but it is actually quite a common thing.

-We should think of a code name for him…- Sana decides.

-Oh no, here we go. - Jeongyeon is already cringing and rolling her eyes, but she laughs anyways.

-Azu, I need you to compile a list of cute nicknames and I’ll choose the best one so we can use it.- Sana is really happy about her occurrence and starts skipping towards the classroom. We follow her lazily.

-I am NOT doing THAT! - I laugh but I am being serious. - Wouldn’t just make it creepier? If we are clearly talking about him and referring to him with a silly name as KitKat or Snicker or Garfield or something…

-I like those, keep them coming. - She jokes.

☆

If Younghyun used to avoid looking at me before, it’s ten times worse now. He used to at least give my existence some recognition whenever I was talking or explaining something in class, but now his eyes are perpetually fixed on his notebook. Some things got better, though: he has stopped with the useless remarks, so I can feel more comfortable being a “smartass”.

His avoiding me gives me an excuse to let myself look at him all I want. His hair is longer than the spiky haircut that he used to have back in middle school, and he wears it casually parted down the middle most of the times. It falls perfectly on his forehead, the dark strands shiny and silky, so it makes me wonder if he irons it or blow-dries it to keep it that way. He has both of his ears pierced, and the little holes are pretty noticeable even when he does not wear his earrings at school.

I can only look at his back most of the times, since he occupies a desk that is situated two seats closer to the blackboard than mine, one row to the right.

Even though I find him attractive, I don’t think I still like him. I would like to like him, because that would make a lot of sense, and that would be the most romantic story to tell. Wouldn’t it have been great if we had met after two years and found our feelings unchanged? If I had told him I was sorry and he would have forgiven me? If we simultaneously confessed our love to each other and lived happily ever after?

I would have loved that, because I am a hopeless romantic after all, and although I never had expected to meet him again, at least not so soon, I imagined an alternate universe in which we could meet and be friends again. A love story in which old friends meet, both unchanged, and fall in love.

I don’t like him now, but I am still in love middle school Younghyun. I am still in love with the glorified idea of him and I feel like I am still waiting for him to return, and I try to search for him inside this new persona.

The popular kids still talk to him. They see his potential to elevate their group’s overall attractiveness and they probably hope to obtain the attention of a larger proportion of female body of students. In spite of the street cred that he could gain from these relations, he does not talk to them as much anymore.

He has started sitting with them on the cafeteria and eating lunch in company as most of us do. However, he does not seem to participate on their conversations and his smiles do not look genuine.

Come to think of it, I don’t recall to have seen any sincere smile on his face since he’s returned. I have not heard him laugh either.

I wonder if I should do something about it, maybe try talking about it the next time he is forced to talk to me. I am dying to introduce him to Jae and I am sure that he would enjoy spending some time with him. Jae is one of the funniest people I know (I think Jeong and Sana are funnier but I might be a little biased, since I love them so much), and he would definitely lead him into a more relaxed and interesting group of people. Even if he does not like sports, most of Jae’s friends and teammates are cool guys.

I am an observant person, and even though I don’t talk to most of Jae’s friends, I can tell they are genuine and nice, mainly Sungjin and Dowoon from the baseball team and Jaebum, Jinyoung and Wonpil from the soccer team. They were all together on my class last year and quickly joined forces. Sports bond people, I guess, and that’s why some of them are closer to us (most probably because they admire Jeongyeon, she is kind of a role model of leadership, sportsmanship and motivation for everyone).

I do not act on my unsolicited need to get him better friends, but it is not because I don’t want to. When Tuesday comes, I go to the classroom so we can meet and do our job as class representatives, and he is not there. I wait for him a few minutes but I know he is not coming, so I leave. I don’t pay too much attention because I have to attend practice.

It feels good to put our muscles to work once again. On the first few days, we focus on exercising, stretching and getting our conditions back up. We do laps around the field, something that I used to consider dreadful before, but now feels so freeing. Everyone runs at their own pace and we generally don’t talk. Then we practice some sprints and do a little work with the ball. Our coach, Park Jinyoung, has chosen our new teammates together with Jeong, and they will replace the members that have graduated last year, so we need to get to understand each other on the field, something you can only do by playing.

We practice four out of the five weekdays, from Monday to Thursday, since our matches are usually on weekends and we need some time to rest and concentrate on motivation, which is always half the battle. Not even the best of players can win if they don’t believe they can actually do it.

Actual professional players often stay together “concentrating” either on a hotel or on their club’s facilities. It gets the team bonded and spirits lifted. Jeong decided to implement something similar last year, something a little more accessible to our capacities. On Fridays the whole team has to go out together and we have coffee and cake, or maybe something a little less unhealthy. We all have to do it at least twice a month; it is one of our rules.

So, that Friday, when I go back to the classroom for our class reps meeting and fail to find him there once again, I realize something is off, but since I have to meet with the rest of the club, I don’t let myself worry too much. I worry only a little.

Badass Azu was probably a little scary, I admit, but that is not a valid excuse for him to avoid our duties. Work is piling up and I might be able to take care of the urgent stuff, but I am not doing everything on my own. We are supposed to be a team.

I am tempted to send him an angry passive aggressive text message (luckily, us being a team means I am obliged to have his phone number). However, I calm myself down and decide to postpone it. I can talk to him in person on Monday and reprimand him jokingly, so he realizes there’s no hard feelings on my side and maybe I can prove I can be friendly.

“Hey, can we actually meet on Tuesday? I won’t bite any more, I promise” I can say, and he might find me so irresistibly funny he will laugh and instantly become my friend.

Yeah, that’s likely not going to happen, but a positive outlook never hurt nobody.

The girls are waiting for me at the entrance of the school. They are chatting with some boys from the soccer team, Jae and Wonpil. The first one is making everybody laugh while the latter is talking to our captain. He is the only guy who can make Jeong blush. It’s not because she likes him, it’s always second hand embarrassment because of his attempts at being cute.

-Well, we’re all here now, so we are leaving.- she says when she sees me.

-I don’t get why you do this silly get together, you see each other every day at practice!- Jae complains. He wants to keep being the center of attention a little longer, when will he get another chance of having 15 girls listening to him and thinking about how funny he is?

-Team spirit is the most important thing in soccer.- Jeong explains, tiredly. She’s explained this too many times, her discourse shorter and shorter every time.- Maybe if you guys did something like this you’d actually win a few matches this season!-

-Yeah yeah, keep adding salt to our wounds, you coldhearted dictator.-

-Maybe if you girls came to our matches I’d work harder to score more goals- Wonpil adds with a smile. He is looking at Jeong while he says this, an interesting detail I can’t keep to myself. Sana gives me a knowing look, opening her eyes way too widely to appear dissimulated. She can’t keep it to herself either.

-You should be doing your best anyways, Mr. Casanova!- Jeong laughs and hits his arm playfully. He tries to conceal his pain with a smile and catches Sana staring. His ears are glowing red. Our short haired friend looks at her too, then back to him, and finally to the floor.

This is so dramatic I can’t help but laugh. I guess we’ll have something to talk about soon.

-Anyways, it’s all the fault of the defense in my opinion.- I say, already aware of the response I am going to cause.

-You prodigy strikers don’t know how hard it is to be a defender… If you try to sweep up the ball you might end up committing a foul and breaking someone’s leg, if you don’t, they score and you’re the disgrace of the team…

-Bear, bear…- I console him while laughing.

-Let’s go, One Feel, these girls are savages…

☆

We go to a café and get something to eat. Someone has already called to make a reservation and there’s a long line of tables set up for the team when we arrive.

The ambiance and the yummy food sets the mood and we all share a fun conversation. We get to know the new juniors in our team and they tell us their stories about middle school and why they decided to join.

Jeongyeon does a good job telling them about our past accomplishments and how we are hoping to do even better this year. Everyone is excited talking about our strong points, compliments flying left and right. “Oh, we are lucky to have the best striker in our team, Azura is amazing” “Sana’s passes are always on point” “Jeongyeon always keeps the middle field organized, she’s the most reliable!” “Our defense is savage, I swear people are scared of Suyeon!”…

We are seated just in front of a big window, and I can see the people passing by walking down the street. It is partly open to let some air in, so our laughter attracts many looks. The sun has not set yet, and the golden light makes the buildings and trees look particularly beautiful. I almost do not notice the boys wearing our uniform on the other side of the street, but Jihyo, who is sitting besides me, starts waving franticly so I realize Hanbin is lazily waving back.

It is the popular kids, so I don’t plan on giving them much attention. Their egos have already been fed enough by my teammate and I don’t care for them. I don’t care for people whose definition of fun is bullying other people, making fun of others and acting like they are above of the rest. However, something catches my eye. Someone is clearly trying to hide behind Bobby and he pushes him back laughing, exposing him to me.

-Ah, Junhoe told me they were going to karaoke after school.- Jihyo politely let’s me know.

So this is how we stand. He does not have time for our meetings but he does have time to socialize with THEM. And, of course, he does not care to send me at least one message to let me know he’s standing me up.  I wasn’t mad before, but I am desperately mad at him now. I know that in reality my anger is just a cover. I am just hurt and disappointed. Are those guys the kind of people he wants to be friends with?

I stare at him, waiting for him to man up and finally stare back. He is still wearing the uniform but he has his earrings on. I don’t stop glaring at him while I grab my phone and send him a warning. I want to show him a fake, passive aggressive, big smile, but I am scared that if I open my mouth fangs dripping with venom might be replacing my teeth.

“I see you’re having fun. If you don’t come to our meeting on Tuesday at least I’ll know where to find you.” I type “Make sure you’re not wearing those earrings if you dare to stand me up again, it will surely hurt when I use them to drag you” And… send.

I show him my phone and signal him to take his. He hesitates while he slowly grabs it from the bottom of his pocket. He is petrified while he reads, then quickly gets walking. Go quickly, Younghyun, hurry up! If the group leaves you behind there’s a huge risk I’ll assassinate you on the spot and I am too young to go to jail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys!  
> I want to thank you a lot for keeping coming back here! I'm feeling a little under the weather, so it might take me a little longer to update. Please be patient with me, I am a human with a job and little free time.   
> I'd appreciate it if you sent me encouragement either here or on twitter @acquarimari, it makes me feel like writing this nonsensical story is actually worth it.  
> Anyways, that is all for now. I'll hopefully see you again soon!  
> I love you!  
> Mari


	6. Chapter 6

**6**

I would have liked to tell you about how I met him that Tuesday and made him apologize to me for his impertinence. I would have liked to keep being that cold, frightening Azura that does not hesitate to put men in their place and reduces them to stutters. But I am not that lucky.

The team’s schedule has been modified, so we now have practice immediately after our classes to accommodate the other members, who always finish a little earlier. That means I will have to tell Younghyun I cannot meet him today and that we need to modify our schedule. Oh, the irony of life. Eating your pride sure tastes bad… And I have to do it in front of him, of all people.

I guess the angry looking gray clouds that invade the sky are a reflection of my destiny and my outbursts are, in reality, as damaging as the thunders and lighting that try to menace us this fine afternoon: all talk. At least the weather forecast said it will not rain until the evening and I’ll hopefully arrive home safe and dry.

As per usual, I did not bring an umbrella. Those things are just uncomfortable and not that helpful. If it doesn’t rain, you end up carrying them everywhere pointlessly, and if it rains too much, they blow over, break, and you end up having wet hair and a set of broken wires attached to some useless piece of fabric. Anyways, enough rambling.

I don’t delay the moment of embarrassment any longer, and when we come back from the cafeteria, I go up to Younghyun, who is peacefully reading some physics theory to prepare for the next class on his desk, and… he starts talking with Hanbin (who is sitting on his side) as soon as he notices me and I go back to my own seat.  Ok, I guess I can wait.

As you might guess, I approach him as soon as the teacher leaves. Younghyun always takes a little longer to put his things away, since he is the only one in his group of friends that actually takes notes and uses the bibliography, so I am saved from having to talk to him in front of those imposing guys.

My levels of anxiety are still quite high, now a little worse because of the extended amount of time I had to ponder all the different awful ways our conversation could go. I am sure he won’t make fun of me or attack back, and he probably won’t make any snarky remarks about my previous text message. He clearly won’t insult me or bring his unpleasant friends to join in the party. However, he could do it if he wants to and the existence of that possibility mortifies me. I don’t know him anymore, and I have no reasons to have any certain expectations.  

My words come out rushed, a telltale sign that I want to run out of the room as soon as possible. I can hear my heart beating hard and loud on my eardrums and my cheeks are warmer than I would like.

\- We have soccer practice right after class now, so I can’t meet you right now. We’ll discuss a new schedule later. See you.

I am out of the classroom as soon as he says a confident “ok” in response. I was far more awkward than I expected (where is that autopilot girl now, I wonder) but his short response was far better than all the nightmares I could daydream during class. I notice I left my sweater in the classroom, but I cannot exactly go back after making such a desperate escape, so I decide I will come back and fetch it once I am done with practice.

This overcast afternoon, I am grateful to be able to run across the fresh grass field to my heart’s content, chasing a ball and kicking it with purpose and decision, using my full strength and concentration. I focus on my teammates, visualizing the ball reaching them before taking the final decision, playing with different strategies in my mind until I find the one that seduces me the most. When I am in front of the goal, however, I do not hesitate. I have a split second to take my shot so the keeper does not see it coming.

To be a good striker, you have to be skillful and technical. You have to know the right angles in which to hit the ball in order to achieve different effects. The right strength each individual situation requires needs to be ingrained into your brain so you don’t even have to think about it, you just know. You just do.

The most important part is being able to scan the game quickly and effectively, to know your opponents intentions and don’t let them know yours. Do the unexpected. Be indecipherable. And, above all, be kind and selfless whenever you see that someone is in a better position than you.

What matters is to score, to win. You are not alone, you are a team.

Once we are finished, all troubling thoughts and anxiety have left my brain and are out of my body. Energy is not created nor destroyed, it transforms, therefore all the potential energy I was storing has become kinetic energy when I ran and kicked the ball around. Part of that energy has transformed into thermal energy, which translates into me being a sweaty mess.

I take my time showering and tell my friends to go home without me. I still have to retrieve my sweater from the classroom and the sky is getting darker by the minute. A huge storm is roaring above us, thundering it’s warning, and I don’t want them to get caught in the middle of it.

I dry my hair a little and rush back inside the building, running across the corridors like a maniac. I don’t like umbrellas but I don’t like getting soaked either.

I reach the last turn before our classroom quickly, sprinting with all my might. It takes a lot of energy to stop myself in my tracks when I see someone waiting at the door. The dim greyish light coming from the windows illuminate him. My heart knocks on my chest, as if it had trouble stopping in synch with the rest of my body.

Younghyun is standing there with my blue sweater on his hands and his backpack hanging from one of his shoulders, looking at his phone lazily. He does not seem surprised by my apparition.

\- Ah, I was waiting for you.- he says.- But we’ll have to meet tomorrow, I guess. The storm will break in any second.-

\- You were waiting for me?.- I am the embodiment of confusion. What does he mean? It’s been like 2 hours since I went to practice!

\- I guess you had your revenge now, so I don’t need to apologize leaving you hanging before.- he says and he starts walking away. I have no choice but to chase him, since he is still carrying my clothes.

I still don’t understand. Why was he waiting? Just to tell me he won’t apologize?

\- You were waiting for me?? Why? - I ask him directly. He has opened the door and is waiting on the side for me to go through it. I did not expect that at all, so it takes me a while to notice him motioning for me to walk impatiently. - Thank you.- I murmur.

\- What do you mean?- now he is the one confused. We stand at the school’s doorway looking at each other eye to eye. The thunders and lightning have now become more frequent and louder. The cool wind smells like rain and gives me shivers. Younghyun throws my sweater at me. Who is this guy? Wasn’t he supposed to be a bad boy now?

\- Why were you waiting for me? I told you I had practice!

He blinks exactly two times.

I wish my eyes had the ability to record things with extreme detail; I’ll hate to go back to this memory and find it blurry and distorted. How will I be able to describe the face he is making? And how do I make it sound like I don’t find him adorable right now? Did I not despise him just five minutes ago?

\- You said we would meet later.- he furrows his brows. – You even left your sweater in the classroom so I thought…-

\- I meant later as in tomorrow! Why would I make you wait for me for two hours? I am not evil!

\- Well you did look a bit evil when you sent me that threat. You looked demonic. And can you please stop smiling? It’s creepy.- I touch my face and try to squish away the smile that goes from my left ear all the way to the right one. I can’t help but laugh a little, even when he is trying to be offensive.- Anyways, let’s go, we’re going to get caught in the rain.- he starts walking.

\- I am sorry, it just surprises me that you can actually be nice. And where are we going? Why are we leaving together?

\- You live on the way to my house, don’t you know that?- he is flustered, and I find it so funny it just forces me to joke with him a bit. That is not a good idea.

\- That sounds like a lame excuse. Are you stalking me?- I laugh wholeheartedly.

It seems like I poked him the wrong way, because now he is acting defensive and I can feel him turning hostile again. I just wanted to have some fun, is that so difficult? Why can’t we be friends?

\- Get over yourself. It’s not like I want to, I’d rather be alone. You’re such a bother. Why do you think you’re so good?

\- I was joking, Younghyun!! Don’t you know what a joke is? Please, tell me, when did you become so bitter?

\- I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me, Azura? - He is pissed and now we are screaming. We have to be really loud, because the roar of the up and coming storm is getting as upset as we are. We are not even half way home.

\- I am sorry!! I apologized and then you told me you didn’t remember! What am I supposed to know?- I am panicking. I hate confrontation. I hate this.

\- You should know!!- he yells back

\- I AM SORRY!! I…

\- You should have known how much I…

The strongest of thunders crashes and we are both silent when the heavy rain starts pouring on us. The raindrops are cold and heavy and we are instantly soaked with it.

\- RUN! - he orders me. But I just stand there, quite dumbfounded.

Adrenaline is rushing through me and I feel like I am going to cry. My throat hurts like crazy and my chest feels an incomparable pressure. 

How would it feel to just let myself go and let the rain confound with my tears? My body is cold but I feel so hot from the inside, I am like a robot about to implode.

Younghyun is now 100 meters away. I look at him for a little bit, but then I decide just staring at the floor feels better. Suddenly, I hear rushed steps coming towards me.

\- Azura what are you doing? - He grabs my wrist to drag me. - RUN! Aren’t you the ace of the hockey team or something?-

I know he is trying to piss me off, to wake me up, and I snap out of it. His words are like a good dry knock on an old, frozen computer and get my engines going, my neurons finally communicating via synapsis again.

\- It’s SOCCER!!- I yelp as I start sprinting down the street.

\- I know. Azura, don’t you know what a joke is? - He is cracking up while he races closely behind me. He has his arms stretched over his head, trying to cover himself with his bag. It does not help very much: his hair is stuck to his forehead, dripping.

Hearing the honesty in his laughter erases all my anger and resentment. This is how it was supposed to be from the beginning: fun, free. That smiling face is the one in my memories I cherish so much, the one I had memorized carefully to prevent myself from forgetting.

I am squealing like a little girl, my long hair that used to be freshly dried out of the shower now plastered on my back and adhered to my smiling face.

What were we fighting about? I don’t remember.

I cannot help having an unsettling feeling, like this is just a moment, a unique fragment of time, and it is going to end soon, but I brush it away. I need to enjoy the now. I need to memorize exactly the number of beats per minute of my heart, how the cold water feels while it is showering me, how the muscles on my legs are burning. I need to embrace it all. I want to be able to remember this feeling forever.

I turn around countless times just to see his bright, toothy smile and scrunched eyes. It feels like slow motion. It feels like a movie. I want to remember this too.

After five whole blocks of our crazy race, we finally reach my house. We both find refuge under the roof of my porch, wet and out of breath. Still smiling.

His eyes shine as he looks at me and lets out a big breath of relief, putting both of his hands on his knees to try to recover from the 5k marathon we just ran. I am hit with the reality of our moment ending.

\- Thank you. - I say, even though I don’t know why I am doing it. - I am sorry for everything. I have always really regretted that.

\- I am sorry too. - He says. - I am sorry I have been so awful recently.

\- Are we good? Will I see you on Friday?-

\- We are good.

He gives me one last smile before sprinting away in the rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favorite chapter so far. I am updating because it's Brian's birthday so... I am feeling festive I guess.   
> Work is killing me and I am not having ANY time to write so please be patient.   
> Anyways, I love you and I hope you enjoy it!


End file.
